don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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