He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My bed smells like the plague
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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