at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
