dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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