is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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