i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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