So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you win again, gameday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
