nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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