batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
