it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
