so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
