i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
