1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
