I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
