Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm at about main and main street
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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