kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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