She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
