At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
