your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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