my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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