don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
