Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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