I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
