i barfeds in our rink
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
