I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize