Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
