College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
