he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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