yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize