just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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