Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
