Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you didnt know i had herpes?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
