God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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