I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i think i just lost a toe
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