we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
