I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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