Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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