Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
