I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
