So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
