I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
