Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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