absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My dick has a subreddit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
