We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize