the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
