I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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