OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
