was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
