im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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