I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
