well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
