Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
