She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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