Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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