ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
