Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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