yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
