I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize