I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
