so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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