Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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