True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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