Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
