It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Mom said you looked used
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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