How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
where are you?
Hypothermia
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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