I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
