I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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