Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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