I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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