then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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