we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
