Small penises have feelings too.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
love makes seman taste better
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
