if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize