The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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