yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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