Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She told me I should be a condom model.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
