Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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