i barfeds in our rink
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
