Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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