Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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