I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
