Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
