and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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