we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
