I'm lost and stupid without you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
