is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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