You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
