After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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