I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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