seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
