We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
