I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
