I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
