if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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