Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
